‘My side of the story’ by Mr. Parrot

Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot feels that I have an unfair advantage because I have a blog and he doesn’t. He is concerned that I am using my blog to discredit his character and he has no way to respond and ‘set the record straight’. He asked me for an opportunity to be a guest writer on my blog. He reminded me that freedom of speech is a fundamental human right. I pointed out that he is not human. However, in the interests of fairness I have agreed to his request. He dictated the following message on our balcony this morning. Please note that as he is a parrot he did keep repeating himself so I have done some editing so you don’t think he is crazy (though he is crazy). Some of the things he says are very personal but I have decided to be brave and publish his rantings.

‘My side of the story’ by Mr. Parrot

Hello everyone, I am sure you are aware of the situation between me and Bassa regarding use of the toy room balcony but I thought it might be helpful for you to hear my side. As you know, Bassa was only recently allowed into the toy room. Until that time I had sole use of the balcony. It is prime real estate as it overlooks the street and has wonderful views of Tbilisi. Bassa of course realised this and began to spend a lot of time on the balcony. It was nice to have some company and in the beginning I did not object to sharing. However, I quickly became aware of her unsavoury habits, which include standing over my cage and dribbling on my head, flooding my cage with drool and wagging her tail so vigorously that I nearly fall off my perch. She also sniffs me constantly, barks a lot and presses her big wet nose against the bars of my cage and breathes on me (if you have ever smelled dog food you will understand why I object to this).

Despite these constant intrusions and invasion of my personal space I feel I have been very tolerant but I admit I did ‘lose it’ recently. Yes, I did peck her on the nose but it was in response to her unsociable behaviour.

To resolve this situation I want the following reassurances from Bassa:

1. No more dribbling on my head.

2. No loud barking on the toy room balcony – it scares me.

3. No sniffing me or breathing on me – her nose is to remain at least 10cm from my cage.

4. Tail wagging to be kept to a minimum.

If she can agree to these reasonable terms that I am quite happy for her to share the balcony with me.

Thank you for listening.


Mr. Parrot