If you were frightened by the movie ‘Jaws’ then don’t read this!

I know that some of you may have thought I have exaggerated Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot’s violent tendencies. If so, this post is for you. I have waited a long time to catch him in the act but now have irrefutable evidence that he is a menace to society and especially me.

Have a good look at the photo and you will see that Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot has his razor sharp beak wide open, ready to savage my nose. What a fiend he is.

He let out a loud squawk and turned his back on me!

It has started to rain so the tall person has brought Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot in from the balcony. He is not waterproof like me and is not keen on rain………or drool. It was drops of drool that drove us apart but on this occasion drops of rain have brought us together so I thought I would try to make the best of it and chat with him. Unfortunately, it didn’t go the way I expected. As soon as he opened his little beak I knew he wanted to fight. He had heard that I had been forced to give up gardening and couldn’t resist teasing me. I kept my cool and told him that I had retired. That stopped him momentarily but I could see that he was searching his little parrot brain for other hurtful things to say so I asked him about his vacation in the village. Oops, I touched a raw nerve there! I could see his little beak tremble with anger. He let out a loud squawk and turned his back on me.

It is not nice to be teased is it Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot?

Say hello to Mr. Fox and Mr. Big Frog for me!

The little person has gone to his grandparent’s village for several weeks. His cousins will be there and he will have lots of fun. He told me that he chases chickens there and he once saw a fox and a very big frog. I will miss him much but there is some good news – he has taken Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot with him! Ha, ha, ha Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot! You didn’t see that coming did you?

I teased Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot for a while, telling him about the fox and the big frog that eats parrots. I have no idea if frogs eat parrots but Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot was convinced and looked very nervous. Good! Enjoy your vacation Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot. Don’t forget you are on the menu!

I also chatted with the little person before he left and made sure that he had packed all of the essentials. He confirmed that he had packed his tooth brush, mobile phone charger and Playstation. Well, that was my list ticked off. What else does a boy need? Apparently a lot more, according to De. She packed so many things that I worried there might not be enough room in grandfather’s car for Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot but fortunately they managed to squeeze him in, though he didn’t look very comfortable. Good. Enjoy your long and uncomfortable journey Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot and say hello to Mr. Fox and Mr. Big Frog for me!

The trojan ‘horses’

I have discovered Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot’s evil plan. I knew I was not being paranoid. I have proof that he was plotting a regime change. This afternoon’s meeting with his chicken friends was just a diversion. He knew I would be distracted and as I strained to listen to their plotting on the balcony more of his chicken friends hid themselves throughout the house. I have just spent the last hour tracking them down. They were very cleverly disguised. I even found a little army of them in the refrigerator and one in an egg cup! How cunning was that? Anyone looking would think they were innocent eggs but Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot can’t fool me. It was a fiendish plan, very cleverly executed. I am sure that at some predetermined hour, probably at night when I was sleeping, the little chickens would have burst out of their shells and overwhelmed me through sheer weight of numbers.

I have severely underestimated Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot. He is an evil genius.

They left one of their children behind!

Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot has invited two of the neighbourhood chickens over and they are having a meeting on the balcony. So this is his plan – he is trying to enlist local support and turn public opinion against me. Hmm, I know these chickens. They are well known trouble makers. I often hear them crowing well after sunrise.

I can’t hear what they are saying but I’m sure this is not a social gathering. If it was, Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot would be passing round little plates of bird seed. No, he has asked them here to talk about me. No doubt he is boasting that he pecked me on the nose and telling them that I dribbled on his head. If I hear one laugh or snigger I’ll………..no……..(deep breath)…….I must calm down.

Okay, they have gone now. Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot is looking very smug. When I asked him about his meeting (from 10 cm away) he smiled in a sly way and said it was ‘no big deal’. Ha! I have no doubt they have hatched a fiendish plan but I’m not worried. I will be ready for them.

I don’t believe it! I have just checked the balcony and the chickens have left one of their children behind! I can’t believe how irresponsible they are.

I’m seriously thinking of getting him a Sat-Nav!

I herded my one-sheep-flock onto the balcony this morning. It’s safe there and I thought the sunshine would do him good. However, it wasn’t long before Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot started to complain. He said that my one-sheep-flock is not house-trained and would make a mess on the balcony. I was speechless. Hello Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot – haven’t you noticed that your cage is one big bathroom!

To avoid a big argument I herded my one-sheep-flock off the balcony, through the toy room, through the little person’s bedroom, down the hallway and into the bathroom. It took some time because he kept wandering off and I had to run after him and point him the right direction. I am seriously thinking of getting him a Sat-Nav. He really has no sense of direction!

Anyway, we reached the bathroom and I managed to settle him down. I’m exhausted now and it’s all the fault of that petulant parrot. He has got to go!

You can’t have your cake and eat it (but I can)

I haven’t seen much of Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot today. He was in the toy room and I spent most of the day in front of the air conditioning unit. I know he is impatient to know what reaction there was to his ‘open letter’ on my blog but I’m going to make him wait and sweat for a while. He can make his own head wet! One of his demands is a 10cm exclusion zone around his cage. Great! When I get around to talking with him I will stay 10cm away and whisper as quietly as possible. When he complains that he can’t hear me I will remind him that I can’t come any closer because of his exclusion zone. You can’t have your cake and eat it Mr. ‘Crazy’ Parrot! But that doesn’t apply to me – I like cake. I like to have cake and to eat it!

Goodnight friends. I will dream of cake tonight.